Identity Is A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Source

I had only come out as trans a couple of years earlier. I’d recently moved from a small town to a larger city, and I was sick of waiting. It was time for me to finally plug into the community. Meeting another openly trans person sent me over the moon. Here was someone I could actually connect with! My cisgender friends were nice, but they didn’t really understand. “Sympathetic but confused” was as good as they could manage.

So I opened up to my new acquaintance, pouring out my feelings about transition and social isolation. I expected them to reciprocate — I fantasized that we’d become friends, bonding over our shared experiences. Instead, they responded with an intensity of skepticism about the wisdom and viability of transition in general that previously, I’d only seen from religious conservatives who thought being LGBTQ went against God. It didn’t matter that neither of us was cis. I assumed we’d find a common understanding. We didn’t.

Now, if they had been cis, I would have been intellectually equipped to handle my shock and disappointment. Intersectional theory teaches that it’s simply not possible for members of privileged identity groups to truly empathize with the marginalized. I could have chalked up our differences to that — of course a cis person doesn’t grok me!