Well, it's tricky. I think the organized trans community as it currently exists strongly supports more visibility for its own sake, on principle. I also think that the organized community is overwhelmingly composed of either early transitioners or the employees of LGBTQ nonprofits. I suspect those two facts are related.

People whose goal, as you said, is "to do it and leave it behind" don't tend to be part of the organized community, since that's the opposite of leaving it behind. At least for me, my attitude has shifted over time from strongly-pro-visibility to being more ambivalent (and less out to people when I don't have to be, just for practical reasons). I don't imagine I'm the only person who's had that trajectory, and I don't know whether or not it's possible for both the visibility supporters and the leave-it-behind people to get what they want. Obviously the line gets drawn somewhere, but I don't know where it should be.

Also, I know it was years ago, but I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences.