I'm so glad your brothers could get married! And yeah, the tricky thing is sorting out which activist behaviors helped a given cause vs. which ones held it back. Personally, I feel like that even though "we're just like you" messaging tends to get a bad rap in LGBTQ activist circles, it's also probably been way more effective at shifting attitudes than "screw you and your privilege." The trouble comes when "plays well with the general public" and "plays well with your activist friends" fail to align with each other (and sometimes end up directly opposed)